Secrets of My Soul

It is exactly a year since I started posting my blogs through ‘Prem’s World’ and 50 of them, including the present one, were hosted without hindrance...until now. Apart from this, two weeks were announcements, hence throughout the 52 weeks, I have been in touch with my readers — except last week. My failure to post a blog last Saturday was due to the fact that I had to pay a debt to my 87-year-old mother to whom I was long due, and I feel partially redeemed from my impiety even though not in full. The unpaid debt to my mother was a stain on my soul and I had to launder it in her lifetime. The partial fulfilment of my moral obligation cheered her up, giving me and my siblings a hope that she now has cause to extend her stay. Until now, she was in much better hands but there were deficiencies from my end that daunted me for the past thirty years. Even though much belated, I have now averted one among many inevitable strictures I will have to face from the Master in this life or the next. That’s my reason for not posting last week. Some readers believed that October 23rd was not a Saturday and some doubted some technical glitch, but it was neither of the two. With the enquiries that poured in on 24th Sunday about the truancy, I was overwhelmed and reported the truth to all.

I post my blogs on Saturdays in time with the support of my extraordinarily diligent technical team with perseverance, and last week’s absence had a good reason. It is also extremely gratifying to notify you that throughout the year, many have acknowledged that my blogs are refreshing and distinct from other publishings. It is not only that I was surprised to discover that I had the ability to produce such creative work, but also those readers who were regular. Everyone found my experiences and insight very inspirational. Many feel that sharing my profound experiences have been very inspirational and those blogs where I’ve narrated about other great personalities such as Ravinder Reddy, Andre, etc., were very motivational. Many wanted to meet Andre and those who knew Ravinder Reddy since their childhood stated that they never viewed him from the angle that I had shown them. My Auditor Rajan Gupta said, “Identifying the values in people around you and narrating them to the world is awesome Sir, in the process I as a reader am immensely inspired.”

A friend once forwarded a post to me that proclaimed a scientific theory that intelligent people prefer to be alone. I prefer to differ from that statement and I prefer to state that ‘one can identify his or her intelligence by insight which is possible only during loneliness and not while in company or in a group’. COVID-19 forced us all to isolation with fear but it gave us all an opportunity to explore or unlock our intelligence. It was in the first two months of the pandemic when I welcomed the ‘forced retirement’ but obtusely resorted to Netflix, Prime Video and Hotstar, but I soon realised that I was heading in the wrong direction when my precious time could be explored while indulging in my most passionate exercise — writing. Even though I had been the occasional writer, both in connection with my profession as well as in general, I did not pursue it in gratification to my desire with such passion that I originally had.

Once I started writing, my consciousness took command of my mind and I began my journey to find out who I really was. My past emotions only spilled negativity and it fed negativity only. There were millions of thoughts during the writing that censured my past actions, rating them as unrighteous and then, the cleansing process by the soul triggered. I now feel free from many of the infirmities for I am aware of the secrets hidden deep within my soul. It is liberated. I have been an observer all my life, knowing the truth, but a silent spectator for I had deliberately given control to my selfish emotions. Just like the reverse osmosis of the discharged effluent, which until now contaminated the ecology of my surroundings, I have discovered those infirmities one by one while writing by blogs. Now, unravelling them one by one, I am now replaying those acts in the right format. I never used the freedom to identify the treasure secured in my soul and, at last, here I am in my world, ‘Prem’s World’, sharing my innermost secrets with all my friends and associates. I am flying free, expanding my space without boundaries.

The consciousness of every human constantly communicates with the mind but the origin is unknown, as the same is not a physical part of the body, it was termed as the ‘soul’. Every person observes his surroundings right from the day he or she is born and records every detail in the brain. From that first day, the process of thinking is triggered and these thoughts are immensely influenced by the person’s physical emotions, based on which actions are performed. Those emotions have been coded by our ancient Hindu theologists as ‘Arishadvarga’ — the six enemies, which are ‘Kama - lust; Kroda - anger; Lobha - greed; Moha - delusion; Mada - arrogance; Matsarya - jealousy’. Once again, all these emotions generate only from ‘kama’ which is lust or a feverish want for wealth, fame, power, etc., but however cleverly we mask our actions with composure, one cannot conceal his innermost thoughts, for certain notable and distinctive features or mannerisms glaringly reveal the true self. Stories, opinions, letters, message texts, especially in the modern era, glaringly reveal the author's personality. None instigated me in the past, nor in the present, or will in the future for all my actions are self-driven. Emotions ruled my life to enrich my selfish attachments and now I feel whatever I generate in monetary terms is immaterial, and those corrected actions are priceless.

My blogs revealed my most inner secrets and they are not articulate pieces of storytelling. My earned wisdom is nothing but the preparation of my soul, a capacity, feeling and breathing my thoughts of all those erroneous doings and enacting every moment of life. After reading the creative blog ‘Stratagem of Manthara’, a very good friend appreciated it, saying, “You have given me a great insight with a new visual perception.” And another friend exulted, “How did I miss you all these years?” My friend Andre reads every blog of mine and states in awe, “Prem, I knew you only as a leather supplier twenty five years ago, now I am beginning to know the real you.” They are all rewards to me. It naturally triggered my further ability to recognise those earlier forms that are the same even now but may be in a different spatial orientation.

This blog is inspired from the following para from the famous novel ‘The Moon and Sixpence’ written by the most popular English writer W Somerset Maugham. “A man's work reveals him. In social intercourse he gives you the surface that he wishes the world to accept, and you can only gain a true knowledge of him by inferences from little actions, of which he is unconscious, and from fleeting expressions, which cross his face unknown to him. Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem. But in his book or his picture the real man delivers himself defenceless. His pretentiousness will only expose his vacuity. The lathe painted to look like iron is seen to be but a lathe. No affectation of peculiarity can conceal a commonplace mind. To the acute observer no one can produce the most casual work without disclosing the innermost secrets of his soul.”

Somerset Maugham meant that the mask will fall apart, revealing the true self of a man from his writings, revealing the innermost secrets of his soul. They cannot be hidden. Hence, people cannot be judged by the attire, wealth, the posh residences they live in, the cars they drive, the mobile phones they carry, the jewellery they adorn themselves with — for after all they are all ‘Masks’. An accidental astrologer once predicted that I would be prosperous and famous as a critic for it seems the planets that influence my writing capabilities are demeaning and that they shall gain popularity with my effective vocabulary. Capabilities in criticism might have made me popular but once again, it would have continued to be entrapped as a prisoner with my emotions fanning all the negativity only. During the pandemic, I did the right thing by going deeper to discover the real me and that’s how I found my world. Once a person starts writing, it is not his hand but his soul that takes charge.

During our early school days, there was a mandatory practice to maintain a diary but the rule faded within a year or so. I feel that children should be encouraged to maintain diaries so that the child can fathom his innermost hidden passions and fury and inhibit them or steer them to a different path. The elders too should make an attempt to find their innermost secrets. The practice to analyse one’s feelings comes only when one is alone and documents his mind. Ivan Turgenev, a towering figure of Russian literature, who had given the greatest novel of the nineteenth century ‘Fathers and Sons’ said that, “The secrets of the human soul are great and love is the most inaccessible of their secrets”. Obviously all variations of love are only emotions which cannot claim even a minor role in one’s wisdom. Wisdom evolves only from knowledge alone and not from an emotion such as ‘love’ or ‘Kama’. Those who are not stained by the selfish ‘kama’ are capable of analysing their thoughts and act with wisdom, and they are dispassionate in doing the right thing, by discarding all their emotions. Writing is a documentation of the thoughts and it is a great opportunity one can correct some of the past mistakes.Once I successfully posted the first few blogs did I realise that I found the key to unlock the unknown secrets of my consciousness, for my mind poured out all those suppressed thoughts incessantly. I had this innate intelligence but worked against the ‘law of attraction’, which was my fault, and now being alone the theory of ‘Law of Attraction’ has worked well for me to continue to discover the ‘real me’ and articulate my perception as I view all my past cogently, hence I assure that my blogs will be posted uninterrupted.